I Hear Stupid People

Rep. Judy Biggert (R-IL) cackles crazy cookie analogy

admin — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 04:16:45 +0000

On her Congressional biography page, Judy Biggert (R-IL) says she attended Stanford University and Northwestern law school. Evidently, neither of those schools required a course in critical thinking, reasoning, argumentation or logic. Or, if they did, Judy must have slept through the lectures. Speaking out against the Consumer Financial Protection Agency Act of 2009 (H.R. 3126), Judy delivers one of the most stupid analogies ever heard on the house floor. Damn Judy, an analogy works only when there are many more similarities than dissimilarities between things compared. Just how many similarities are there between large financial institutions and a cookie shop? Uh, about ZERO. Your analogy continues to suck when you say the government will limit the cookie shop’s goods to one sugar-free chocolate chip cookie. The Consumer Financial Protection Agency does NOT limit institutions to ONE product. GEEZ, how about reading the bill. Don’t get me wrong, your analogy does serve a good purpose. It will inevitably be used around the globe by instructors of critical thinking as an excellent example of a stupid, FAULTY analogy.

Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC) vows revenge for Aunt Bee

admin — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 03:34:28 +0000

Aunt Bee of Mayberry, NC

North Carolina Representative Virginia Foxx says healthcare reform with a public option will put senior-citizens to death. Though unconfirmed, it’s widely believed that Foxx is a member of the Aunt Bee Conspiracy Group, a collection of Goobers who believe Aunt Bee of Mayberry, North Carolina, was just one of the many seniors put to death by government-run healthcare. Aunt Bee was forced onto Medicare after profit-driven health insurers, including UnitedHealth, Cigna, WellPoint, Humana, and Blue Cross/Blue Shield, denied her coverage due to a pre-existing illness. Aunt Bee died in 1989 just shy of her 87th birthday.

Rep. Tom Price (R-GA) nominated for Acadamy Award

admin — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 14:38:35 +0000

Representative Tom Price of Georgia has been nominated for an Oscar in the category, “Best Performance by a House Member Faking Concern for the Middle Class.” Price’s character delivers a passionate plea to the House Speaker to grant a moment of silence to recognize the 2.3 – 2.7 million Americans that will lose their jobs due to the passage of The American Clean Energy and Security Act (Waxman-Markey Bill). Price’s training at the Actors Studio, under the direction of Lee Strasberg and Elia Kazan, allows him reach down into the depths of his soul to find a connection to the unemployed. Caution: as you watch Price’s performance below, be sure to have a facial tissue or handkerchief nearby.

To understand how hard it must have been for Price to play someone who cares about the working class, we need to examine the reality of Representative Price. Over at opensecrets.org, Tom Price comes in at 21st on the net worth list of all House members, with assets totaling between $7 and $29 million dollars. Take a moment of silence and consider how out of touch that is with working class Americans. Take another moment of silence and examine Rep. Price’s voting record on legislation that benefits middle class Americans. Price VOTED AGAINST:

Helping Families Save Their Homes Act of 2009 (HR 1106)
American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 (HR 1)
Credit Cardholders’ Bill of Rights Act of 2009 (HR 627)
Children’s Health Insurance Program Reauthorization Act of 2009 (HR 2)
Federal Employees Paid Parental Leave Act (HR 626)
Emergency Extended Unemployment Insurance Compensation Act of 2008 (HR 5749)

As Price’s voting record suggests, he really doesn’t give a hoot about working or middle class families, which makes his performance on the House floor a natural for the Oscar category, Faking Concern for the Middle Class. Screenwriters and lobbyists producers are seeking to capitalize on Price’s acting abilities and the offers are flooding into his office. In the near future, look for Price on the House floor reprising his “moment of silence” role in one of the following:

the pillaging of Appalachia with mountain-top removal
the 100,000 Iraqi civilians killed since 2003
the 40,000,000 uninsured Americans

Representative Tom Price asking for a moment of silence for the imaginary unemployed, does he think we’re stupid?

Rep. Cynthia Davis declares hunger a positive motivator

admin — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 03:13:57 +0000

Rep. Cynthia Davis

The Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services issued a press release calling for a summer food program to help insure that low-income children receive a nutritious meal. In her online newsletter, Missouri state representative Cynthia Davis (R-19th District) commented on the free meal program for the poor:

Anyone under 18 can be eligible? Can’t they get a job during the summer by the time they are 16? Hunger can be a positive motivator. What is wrong with the idea of getting a job so you can get better meals? Tip: If you work for McDonald’s, they will feed you for free during your break.

Jesus sells kosher corn dogs

Yeah, take that slackers. Get a job! Now, it didn’t take long before Keith Olbermann declared Representative Davis the “Worst Person in the World” and Stephen Colbert awarded Davis a “Tip of the Hat.” Indeed, Davis has been blasted for her comments all over the internets. But let’s not be too hasty in our ire of Ms. Davis’ simplistic and moronic commentary. There is new evidence that may absolve the representative.

News Flash!

Earlier this week, archeologists working outside Jerusalem discovered, what they believe, is the only existing photograph of Jesus taken just before he delivered the Sermon on the Mount. The photograph on the right dispels clearly the myth that Jesus fed the multitude with free fish sandwiches as depicted in the Gospel of Matthew. On the contrary, just before taking his position on a large rock to preach, Jesus was working for a fast-food chain hawking kosher corn dogs, curly fries and Mountain Dew.

The new photographic evidence confirms Jesus was no slacker looking for handouts or providing them. This is the Jesus worshiped at the First Church of Free Markets where, rumor has it, Representative Davis attends. Researchers are continuing their search for evidence that Jesus opposed a federal minimum wage, welfare programs and any other form of entitlement.

So, before condemning Rep. Davis, think about Jesus working for Caleb’s Corn Dog Castle and pull yourself up by your sandal straps and get a job.

One final thing, perhaps Cynthia Davis and her church members should ponder on this:

He who gives to the poor will lack nothing,
but he who closes his eyes to them receives many curses. -Proverbs 28:27

Senator Sylvia Allen confirms earth 6,000 years old

admin — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 20:35:42 +0000

Arizona senator Sylvia Allen (R-District 5) is living proof that taking a basic college-level science course is not a prerequisite for becoming an Arizona senator. Senator Allen, who served as Vice President of the Arizona Chapter of the Eagle’s Forum for 10 years, perhaps received her science education from Phyllis Schlafly. Ms. Schlafly’s Eagle Forum web site contains an abundance of material on the evils of evolution and the TRUTH of “intelligent design” (codename creationism, codename 6 days = 6,000 years). I find it only fitting that senator Allen resides in Snowflake, Arizona, a community in the sun for all of Arizona’s flakes.

Representative Paul Broun (R-GA) exposes killer

admin — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 19:19:07 +0000

I knew it, I just knew it! Those damn Canadians and British have no appreciation for the sanctity of life like Americans. Once I was attending a conference in Vancouver, British Columbia, and you could smell the disgust for human life in the air. You could see it in the eyes of every natural-born Canadian. Thank goodness Rep. Broun sheds light on these degenerate hoards. Not only does Rep. Broun possess the keen ability to discern the depravity of Canadians and Britons, but he’s also invented a new form of logic (fearmongering). Most people would think that providing health insurance at an affordable rate would save lives, but as Broun points out, affordable health insurance is a killer, especially if the government is involved. So, for all you millions of U.S. citizens without health insurance, Rep. Broun is fighting for your lives and doing all he can to keep a public option out of the health care bill.